You’re not angry at Facebook, but with your friends

There has been a growing amount of articles, news pieces complaining about Facebook in recent years. It has been varying in nature, you name it; privacy, destruction of the very fabric of our society, polarization, fake news. I want to focus on one specific complaint today; “Facebook is disconnecting us”.

People have been deleting their Facebook claiming; it is not longer what it used to be where they connected with their friends. I experienced similar contempt against Facebook to be honest. Although I have had a slight skepticism about this very judgement of the experience. I am not sure if this change in experience is something to blame on Facebook, or the changes in trends in socializing online. You could say; these are not mutually exclusive and Facebook had a part in shaping the trends into what they have become today.

In early years of Facebook, there was an elevated level of social interaction among friends. When it was trendy to be part of the new thing, and the act to be part of it was to engage with your friends within this new trend. Now the trend has died out and we are all estranged. Furthermore, this medium has become a token of stigma about socializing online. Everyone hates Facebook, because “it has changed”. Thus everyone has adjusted their use of facebook, lowering amount of interaction with their friends, but in same time complaining about lowered amount of interaction they get from friends.

This is a hypocritical situation we are in as a society. We are both the perpetrators and the victims of this situation we are in. Only thing we are not is; the tool, enabler; Facebook.

Tool has been pretty much same. Small adjustments here and there, but in the end nearly same.

The biggest change has been in the perception of this medium. You could say, by observing, being cynical of the medium we are in, we have shaped it. We shaped it into what we were afraid. Sort of like; Schrödinger’s cat situation. We changed it as we became judgemental of it. Because we weren’t so aware, we have alway been a part of the equation. We make the Facebook, as people using it.

In short, all of this resulted in reduced engagement between friends online.

You could say this is a very confident statement, blaming users for what Facebook has become. I would agree with you until recently. That’s why I kept this suspicion to myself for long time now.

Then comes; Corona & Quarantined Masses

I have been seeing an increase in people of all kinds, seeking interaction online on Facebook, Instagram etc. People with very busy jobs, lives are posting simple games, experiments that we used to mock elderly for posting these online.

Interesting bit is; people had to invent “games”, “experiments” to reach out, get a reply from their friends; asking for replies, presenting themselves as open and welcoming for messages.

This goes to show, the situation that I suspected is more widespread in society than just a personal experience I had. People are so resigned from their friends, they’re afraid to reach out with a message, but rather look for a starter excuse, “a word game”, “an experiment”. People are so reserved, they’re afraid to cross a boundary with a “friend”, by writing how are you doing in these quarantine days, or whatever. Simple ways to reach out seems to have become “expensive” in terms of confidence and social cost.

I believe we are all at fault. We have made into this, by judging, by complaining about a tool. A tool which we were a part of. You can’t complain about a tool which you are a cog in, unless you are willing to make necessary changes. Resigning, deleting Facebook, is not being part of the change.

We have seen it become useful again, when great masses has become stuck in their homes looking for a way to socialize.

Has it always been possible to socialize then?
Was it always us making it a stigma?
Maybe it is time to look in the mirror, and think how we can make it better or start a new understanding. Resigning from a frustration change, doesn’t offer a solution, nor an understanding.

In conclusion, I believe Facebook offered a lucky generation in its early days, an elevated level of connectedness. Maybe to be more blunt, we can call it a circlejerk of socialising online. Then came the stigma period, and as we felt estranged, we made it strange. As it got strange, we were estranged. Then finally, we are now so resigned, people fear to ask “how are you all doing?”